One More Candle
by done.with.marblesxx
Summary: Age seems to have little effect in taking away woes. Story of Sirius Black's life, told through his thirty six birthdays and one more in the afterlife. Drabble.
1. I

* * *

**One More Candle**

**_by donewithmarblesxx_**

_**

* * *

**_

**-The Early Years-

* * *

**

I

It was all a blur. Only colors stood out, but there wasn't much color. A lot of browns, navy blues, and mostly blacks. No bright pinks or reds or oranges. Just the conservative, colder colors.

There was a big thing in front of me. It looked soft and delicious and I wanted to shove my hand in it. I reached for it, but something restrained me. I squealed, but I couldn't get it.

I cried.

People made noises. I didn't understand. A lot of singing went on. I think it was supposed to be happy. All I felt was coldness.


	2. II

II

They were singing. I sang along, but someone covered my mouth. She didn't want me singing.

"Blow it out!"

There were two orbs of light in front of me, stuck in a big, white, frothy looking thing. I didn't understand what they were saying so I screamed, "_What?_"

"Sirius, quiet!" Mother screeched. "You'll wake Regulus!"

I stared at the two things in front of me quietly. Soon, they disappeared with a gust of sudden air. That's what "Blow it out!" meant. Make it go away.

Then I nodded and held out my plate for that thing Andromeda called "cake".


	3. III

III

I met a muggle boy named Thomas. I liked him, but I had to go inside for a party. I guess today was my birthday.

"Make a wish before you blow out the candles," Andromeda whispered to me as Mother lit three bright lights.

"Wishes?" I mouthed back. She nodded.

Taking a deep breath, I blew out the candles before the song ended.

"I wish I could meet Thomas again!" I blurted out. Mother slapped me.

"You aren't supposed to tell people your wishes or it won't come true," Andromeda whispered back. She was right. I never saw Thomas again.


	4. IV

IV

"_Mine!_"

"No Regulus, it's for me."

"Why?"

"'Cause it's my birthday."

"_Birff-day_?"

"It's the day when you get older."

"Older?"

"Yeah, I'm four right now. One, two, three, four."

"_Wuh, two, thwee, fouh!_"

"Yeah! Do you want some chocolate? It tastes good."

"_Chocowate!_"

"It's my birthday present. Mother gave it to me. Isn't it yummy?"

"Present fo me?"

"When it's your birthday."

"_My birff-day today!_"

"No, 'cause today's my birthday!"

"Oh."

"Sorry."

"_Tomowwow?_"

"Okay, it can be your birthday tomorrow."

"Present?"

"I'll get you one."

"What?"

"I can't tell you what your present is! That's cheating!"

"Sirius?"

"Regulus?"

"_Happy Birff-day_."


	5. V

V

I wanted a toy broomstick like Cissy. I asked Mother for it, but she didn't say anything. I waited until my birthday.

I was playing with Regulus when Father walked into the room.

"Sirius?" Father said. I shivered. "How old are you today?"

"Five, Father."

He nodded and gave me a package. "Happy Fifth Birthday, Sirius Orion."

"Thank you, Father," I said. He walked out of the room.

I shrugged and opened my package as Regulus watched curiously. Inside were picture books. One said, "_Warlock's Hairy Heart_".

"Books," Regulus said, staring at the cover.

"Books," I repeated in disappointment.


	6. VI

VI

"Happy Birthday," everyone said as they gave me a present. In it were boring adult gifts like inkstands and letter openers, but I said thank you anyway.

The party was terrible. The dress robes were itchy and I wasn't getting good presents.

"Dance with Cissy," Mother insisted.

"I don't want to."

She pinched my arm.

"Do what your mother says and you'll be happy," she told me and the dance music came on.

I danced with Cissy, said more thank 'you's, conversed like a gentlemen, and made proud the name of Black. But I wasn't happy.

Maybe Mother was wrong.


	7. VII

VII

"Kreacher, how old are you?"

"Older than you, Young Master Sirius," he croaked.

"Do you know how old _I _am?"

"No, Young Master Sirius."

"I'm seven," I told him. "So you can stop calling me Young Master. I'm older now."

"What should I call sir then?"

"Master Sirius," I answered.

"But Young Master Sirius, you aren't tall enough to be a Master," Kreacher said. "Kreacher won't lie. No, Kreacher won't."

"But I'm a Master!"

"But Master Orion is!" he mimicked.

I kicked the house-elf in my anger and ran off. I was older _and _taller. Stupid house-elf. I was Master.


	8. VIII

VIII

I was going to a Quidditch game. It was my birthday present. A day alone with Father.

"It's going to start soon."

I stared at the pitch and waited.

"Mudbloods," Father growled. I saw a group of people, taking a seat in front of us. Father didn't like that.

"Remember Sirius Orion, we're always better than mudbloods," Father said loudly. I think the people could hear us.

"Yes Father."

"What did I say?"

"We're better than- than _mudbloods_."

I felt bad like, but I shouldn't've because it was okay to say mudblood. That's what they were.

Then the game began.


	9. IX

IX

I snuggled into my bed and tried to forget the terrible birthday party.

"Sirius?" someone whispered. I was almost asleep.

"What is it?"

"Are you awake?"

"I am now," I murmured. I sat up.

"I forgot to give you your present," Regulus said. "It's your birthday today."

"It's okay, Regulus. Go to sleep."

"Will you open my present first?"

Sighing, I took the present. It was a picture that he'd drawn. A picture of me and Regulus, playing Quidditch like we sometimes did with our toy brooms. I smiled.

"Thanks Regulus."

It was the best birthday present I'd gotten today.


	10. X

X

Being ten was a big deal. You weren't a baby anymore.

It was also when you had history lessons with Mother. We learned about ancestors like Phineas Nigellus. He was the best Headmaster at Hogwarts.

A lot of things had to happen too. You had to look neat. You had to get up earlier. And you had to understand blood purity.

It was the most important part of my life.

Want to play with a friend? You couldn't if he had tainted blood.

I always felt bad when walking away from someone because of it. They always looked so hurt.


	11. XI

XI

"Happy Birthday, little cousin," Bellatrix told me with a sneer.

"Thank you," I answered.

"Did you get your letter?"

"Yep." I replied proudly.

"Going soon enough then?" she asked. I nodded.

"Which house?"

"Slytherin," I answered confidently.

"Good," she smiled at me. "That's the best house."

"I know."

"And stay away from who?" she quizzed.

"Gryffindors."

"Good!"

I smiled again. She suddenly grabbed my throat.

"But don't you dare embarrass me," she growled at me. I stared back, starting to choke. "Got it?"

I nodded furiously, gasping. She let go.

"See you soon then, little cousin."

She walked away, laughing.

* * *

Somehow, I can imagine Bellatrix doing this...


	12. XII

**-Hogwarts Years-**

XII

_Dear Sirius,  
_

_Happy Birthday, you idiot. I hope you're doing well. Everything's going well here. My dad's taking me to the Chudley Cannon's Quidditch game. It's going to be terrible, I can feel it.  
_

_Be careful with the present. It can bite.  
_

_James_

--

_**Sirius-  
**_

_**Happy Birthday. You're finally twelve. I turned twelve **_**months **_**ago, just in case you forgot after I told you continuously.  
**_

_**Don't eat all the chocolate at once and if you're nice, you'll send **_**me **_**back some.  
**_

_**Remus**_

--

**Dearest Sirius,  
**

**I tried to make something nice, but couldn't do it very well. Sorry. Happy Birthday anyway.  
**

**Peter**

**

* * *

**Remember, Sirius' birthday is in the summer, so technically, when he turned eleven, he wouldn't have been in Hogwarts yet. Kind of like Harry. The first book, he wasn't really in Hogwarts yet. He was just on the brink of it. Make sense? Yes, yes, it makes sense now.


	13. XIII

XIII

"Are you sure it's okay?"

I sighed and nodded.

"No bullies?"

Nod.

"Really?"

Nod.

"Just stay away from Bellatrix, that's all," I answered, flinching as I heard my low voice.

"Why do you sound so weird?" Silence. "You don't know?"

"I know," I snapped. "It's just because I'm getting older."

"So when I get older, will I sound like an angry hippopotamus like you?"

"_Regulus!_" I shouted, reaching out to smack him. He slipped away, laughing.

"Is that just nature's way of saying Happy Birthday?"

"It sure is a damned way to say it," I snarled. "Happy Birthday, my ass."

* * *

For those who didn't understand, I'm speaking of puberty here... Haha... We all love nature for _that _gift.


	14. XIV

XIV

I gulped and stared at the package that my owl had delivered. It looked like any other parcel, but it was special. It was from _Mary_. It looked like a time bomb, waiting to explode.

"Oh, whatever," I sighed and ripped the brown paper off the package. A card fell out. It said, "_Happy Birthday, sweetie_. _See you soon._" Did that mean...?

In the parcel was a muggle condom and an address. _Bloody hell..._

"_Yes!_"

It didn't matter that I had to go to a special banquet to "celebrate my birthday". Only that one address echoed in my mind.


	15. XV

XV

"I have to get fucking _married_?"

"Restrict your language," Father said sternly.

"You're an heir," Mother replied, sipping her tea. "Marriage is an aspect of it."

"And if I refuse?"

"You most certainly will not," Mother answered, narrowing her eyes.

"Who's the girl?"

"I believe you know her, Anna Schorp, the Dutch heiress."

"The Slytherin bitch?" I remarked rudely. "No thanks."

"You will marry her," Father said coldly. "I expect children by next summer."

I hissed at him. "I will never dream of giving _you _of all people descendants."

"_Sirius Orion Black!_" Mother screeched.

"Damn you," I answered, walking away.

* * *

In actuality, the name "Anna Schrop" actually has a meaning! Yes, I tried to be like J.K. Rowling and have meaningful names. Her last name is actually the Dutch word for "scorpion", except I shortened it a little. (Dutch word for scorpion: schorpioen) Oh yay! Points for the awesome authoress! I hope that helps with understanding her character...


	16. XVI

XVI

I slammed the door. "_You bloody hag!_"

The door smashed open. "You disloyal traitor!" Mother shrieked back.

"There's more to life than blood, you bitch!"

"_Get out!_"

"With pleasure."

I threw things into my trunk and started out the doorway, pushing past her.

"And Gryffindor's are noble," she remarked disdainfully.

"Better than hypocritical Slytherins," I answered. "Hag."

I ran out of the house. In a few moments, I was at James', knocking on their door.

"Sirius?" James cried.

"I ran away."

"Are you okay?" My heart was hurting. I shook it away.

"Of course." I replied. "Why wouldn't I be?"

* * *

We realize no one's perfect, correct? Okay, good.

_I'm not perfect _(You probably all realized that). The running away scene was, er, very difficult to write when you're only allowed 100 words. I hope I got it accurately enough? I thought Sirius would be rather upset about the whole thing, even though he hates his mother...

So, any feedback?


	17. XVII

XVII

I was seventeen. That meant complete independence. And money from Uncle Aphard.

I bought a little flat. It was perfect.

But I spent a lot more time at James' with Mrs. Potter acting mum.

I heard I'd been blasted off the Family Tree. Good. I wanted to break all ties. This was a good start.

Everyone asked me if I was okay. I answered I was, but my heart ached. I was training myself to grow cold about my family. Then it would go away.

For now, I was enjoying the luxury of independence and the house was the beginning.

* * *

Remember, Sirius received money from his Uncle Aphard and he later bought a house with that money. And sorry for not updating for the past few days... I was, er, unavoidably detained, or just in simple words, on a trip to Washington DC which was completely death-like.

Just for reassurance, I'll be updating tomorrow! Thanks for the reviews!


	18. XVIII

**-The War Years-**

XVIII

The _Daily Prophet_ carried horror stories. I could only gape as Remus read the paper out loud.

"All- All those families are _dead_?" I whispered. James' jaw was clenched.

"How can one man kill all those people?" James demanded. "I'm_ done_. I'm joining the Order. I'm not waiting for this to pass away."

He was determined and somehow, it gave me hope.

"I'll join," I said.

"So will I," Remus replied.

Peter took longer to respond, but said, "Me too," nonetheless. We nodded at each other. The Marauders had united again, but for an important purpose: to stop the darkness.


	19. XIX

XIX

Everything was lovely. Everyone was drunk. Everywhere was merry.

"_Congratulations, James and Lily!_" I cried. James and Lily smiled, their fingers entwined. It was speech time.

"I've known James and Lily since first year," I started. "James' always been an idiot and Lily's always been scary." They glared. I smiled. "They're the last people I would expect to love each other, but fate has a sense of humor. They look good together. And they're both so damn good looking so their kids'll be amazing. So to the couple who'll have it all." I raised my glass. "To Lily and James."


	20. XX

XX

I walked into the house, not bothering to knock. It wasn't a big deal.

"Hello?" I called. I heard soft laughter.

"We're in here!" a voice came from the living room. I walked into the room cautiously. Lily was lying on the couch and James was beside her, holding a little bundle in his arms. They were smiling widely.

"Is this-?" I stammered, eyes wide. James nodded and handed me the bundle.

"Harry James Potter, your godson."

I took in his emerald eyes and messy jet black hair. His little chubby cheeks and angelic expression. I gasped.

"My- My _godson_."


	21. XXI

XXI

"_Pa-foo_!"

I laughed and embraced my godson.

"Happy Birthday, Harry!" I cried, tapping his nose.

"Sirius, you came!" Lily exclaimed. I nodded and handed Harry a present.

"For your birthday," I said. He ripped at the brown paper and pulled out a broom.

"Sirius, are you planning to _kill _him?"

"It's safe."

"What's safe?" James asked. He saw his son on a broom and smiled. "You got him a broom? Excellent!"

"_James! _It's dangerous!"

"It's be fine. We just have to be careful. Look, Harry likes flying."

Lily scowled, but didn't argue. I took the first shift of watching Harry.

* * *

This one was _so _hard to write. It probably sounds a bit detail-less, but forgive me. A 100 word budget is really tight. Remember, this is before Halloween so everything was happy. And I assume Sirius was a bit late for Harry's birthday celebration because of some Order stuff...


	22. XXII

**-Azkaban Years-**

XXII

I can see all the rubbish that replaced that house. I can feel the blood pumping in my head. I can hear the shrill cry of a child, frightened and lost in the world. I can also feel the anger rising up in me like bile.

"_How could you?_" I remember screaming. "_Traitor!_"

There was an explosion.

The shrill cry is still there. It pierces my ears.

"I didn't kill those muggles!" I yelled once. "It was Pettigrew!"

Someone stunned me.

Cold, so cold.

"Traitor," people have said to me. "_Traitor._"

And I remember crying. Remembering James and Lily, dead.


	23. XXIII

XXIII

It's my birthday today. I remembered. That's the only thing I can do now.

I wonder how my bike's doing. I had so much fun with it, riding around town with James. It was all before everything turned miserable. I remember going into the bar once and all that laughter--

A dementor passes by. I shiver and am reduced to nothing again.

It's a constant reminder. No more happiness.

I sometimes wonder if it really _was _me. Maybe I really did kill those muggles. Maybe I really am a madman and I followed Voldemort. Maybe. Just maybe.

I want out.


	24. XXIV

XXIV

I could count my rib bones. But I've forgotten how to count.

I scratched things into the wall with my fingernails. It bled. The bright red oozes out. It's the first color I've seen in weeks, _months_.

I've given up trying to think of happy memories. What's the point? It's only going to be drained away and stolen. I might as well stop wasting energy when I'm so hungry like this.

"_Peter Pettigrew,_" I muttered angrily. "_Damn you to hell._"

I wonder if anyone can hear me and continue on scratching into the wall. It sure is a lonely life.


	25. XXV

XXV

Today is a celebratory day and I got a gift, a lovely one too. Remus visited me. Not by his own will. Dumbledore urged him to. I ran to the bars hungrily when I saw him.

"_R- Remus!_" I gasped.

"You're filthy," he spat at me.

"I'm in Azkaban," I tried to joke. He glared.

"You're a bastard."

"I know."

He glared for a moment, but walked away.

"D- Don't you believe me?" I wanted to whisper, but didn't. I was afraid of the answer. I clutched my knees and rocked back and forth, tears falling.

_Don't you believe me?_


	26. XXVI

XXVI

I started thinking about Harry. Bloody hell, he was adorable. I remember his chubby little cheeks and messy black hair. _So _like James, but with those eyes of Lily...

He used to call me "Pa-foo". Only a child can make me sound so cute.

I wonder how he's doing. He's probably around six now.

"Harry James Potter," I whispered, staring blankly out the bars. "Harry Potter."

He's probably a fine boy. Mischievous like James, but smart, following after Lily.

I wonder who his Sirius is. I wonder who his Remus is. I _certainly_ hope he hadn't found a Peter.


	27. XXVII

XXVII

I growled at the Dementors that passed my cell. They didn't seem to notice anything different about the prisoner in Cell 711.

I shouldn't have growled. It left me exhausted.

I was Padfoot. I was less affected by those filthy creatures in my Animagus form. It was pleasureless, but I couldn't tell what pleasure was anymore. I was usually curled up in a corner, whimpering.

_Damn Dementors_, I thought. Maybe the Dementors could feel _that_. I would laugh if I found that they were saddened, but it wouldn't happen. Dementors had no soul.

I whimpered again. The horrors of Azkaban...


	28. XXVIII

_A more T rated chapter! Away, away little children!_

XXVIII

I panted heavily as my hip moved. _Yes... _

It was suddenly hot and I was sweating. I could feel the warmth moving under me.

"_Yes, yes, yes!_" someone screeched with pleasure. Everything was a blur. _Faster, faster, faster._

Fingernails scratched at my back. I winced, but didn't stop. It was dizzying. I couldn't comprehend anything.

"Sirius..." someone moaned.

"Yes?" I answered, but then the scene started unfolding. The warmth disappeared. The pleasure melted away. "Aw, damn it!"

I peeked one eye open and sighed. I was probably the only dog in England who was having imaginary sex right now. Disgusting...

* * *

Somehow, I would imagine Sirius doing this. I have no idea why...


	29. XXIX

XXIX

Bartemius Crouch... The notorious Ministry official... The bastard who threw me into hell without a trial... The one I would kill.

If I'd gotten a trial, would I be in here? Maybe, but with a lesser sentence. _It was all Pettigrew!_ What did _I _do?

You did plenty. Maybe if you've been the Secret Keeper, then Lily and James might be alive with Harry.

_No. _It wasn't me. It was Pettigrew... and Crouch. They're the wrong ones. I'm the victim.

... You would've been, except it was your fault.

Shut up.

Sorry.

Soliloquizing. First sign of insanity.

* * *

**Soliloquize**:**:** to utter a soliloquy **:** talk to oneself 


	30. XXX

XXX

Well, this man's finally thirty and out of his twenties, the most important years of one's life. The twenties I spent in a damn _cell_. I have Peter to thank for that.

I wonder how I look like. Maybe I look like my father. I hope I don't. I would give anything to look nothing like Father.

Mother's probably dead by now. I wonder if Regulus's dead. Kreacher's probably alive, fretting because Mother didn't stick his head to the wall.

I wonder how Remus is doing. Maybe he thinks I'm the one who killed James and Lily. He probably does.


	31. XXXI

XXXI

Goodness gracious! Harry would've probably received his Hogwarts letter by now!

He probably knows about the Wizarding World already. Maybe going to Diagon Alley to get his supplies? There's plenty of gold in _his _vault, I know that.

He's probably stared at the thick envelope and the emerald ink already.

I wonder what kind of wand he's going to get. Maybe mahogany like James. Or willow like Lily. That'd be nice.

Maybe he'll get an owl. Not a toad, they're horrid. Probably an owl.

I sighed deeply. If I wasn't in here, I would've been the one shopping with Harry.


	32. XXXII

XXXII

"Sirius Black?" said an annoying voice. I grimaced.

A portly man appeared with a green bowler hat. "_Hello_, Mr. Black."

"Good day, Minister."

He smirked at me. "I haven't seen you for a long time."

"Me too."

"Heard of your distress."

"Have you?"

"Respect might be a good lesson for you to learn, Mr. Black."

"I don't have the capabilities for it," I answered, remembering McGonagall. "Why are you here, Minister?"

"Just reminding you the increase of the Dementors," he said cheerfully.

"Lovely."

He grinned. Bastard. "I should be going now, to enjoy my _freedom_. Good day!"

Fudge walked away.

* * *

I really do think Fudge would've provoked Sirius. He just seems like the annoying type of a Minister...


	33. XXXIII

XXXIII

"I am reminded that today is your birthday, Mr. Black," said Fudge.

"Yes."

He smirked. "Where are your visitors then?"

I swallowed my anger. "Nowhere."

"I'm sorry," he lied. "Note to self. Don't turn _so _pathetic that my friends won't even visit me once in prison."

I clenched my fist, but didn't speak.

"Happy Birthday, Mr. Black."

_Damn you_.

"The Dementors care."

_-To suck out your soul.  
_

"I'm sure you're very happy."

_Asshole_.

He stared at me and sighed. "Well, I should be going now."

_Go. Before I murder another.  
_

"Happy Birthday, Mr. Black."

He leaves with a last glance.

* * *

Another Fudgey chapter... Blech.


	34. XXXIV

**-Refugee Years-**

XXXIV

It was him. The bastard was in the newspaper with that family. The _bastard _who ruined my life. I was getting out of here. Now.

I first turned into Padfoot and panted heavily. I waited until the Dementors passed by. Then, I carefully slipped out between the bars. Luckily, I was thin enough to fit. I quietly dodged the Dementors and soon enough, _I was free!  
_

The sky was blue and pretty... Everything was _amazing_. I started looking for him right away. He owed his life to me.

Besides, everyone believes I killed him, why not make it come true?

* * *

_Finally _Sirius is out of Azkaban! No more of the gloomy, angsty, depressing chapters! Cheers!


	35. XXXV

XXXV

I sighed, leaning back into the Hippogriff's feathers. It felt lovely, how it fluffed up and all.

The refugee life wasn't so great. I was nervous all the time and felt like I was going to get a heartattack.

I thought of the past year. Escape... Harry... Remus... _Peter_... An almost Dementor's Kiss... It's been one shitty year, excluding the discovery of friends and godson.

Buckbeak nudged me. I groaned. "Buckbeak, _stop it_." He nudged me again. "_Buckbeak!_"

The damn Hippogriff guffawed, but trotted away. I lost my train of thought. Dammit. The _one _time, I act like my name...

* * *

It's kind of upsetting that I couldn't add a lot of bits about Harry's third year because that _was _important, you know? But I added Buckbeak, so it's okay. Yay for Buckbeak!


	36. XXXVI

XXXVI

"Bloody hell..." I breathed, staring.

I never thought I would be back in this house, examining the Family Tree. What I'd heard was true. I'd been erased on the Family Tree. I couldn't believe it, even though I'd known it beforehand.

"Looking at the Family Tree?" a cheerful voice interrupted. I turned around. Tonks smiled.

"It's shocking."

"You were blown off, weren't you?" she asked. I gave her a look. "Whatever. I'm not even _on _here."

"Your mother is," I pointed. "She's amazing."

Tonks wrinkled her nose. "_Right_."

"Whatever, _Nymphadora_."

"Don't!"

I laughed. I felt like I had Andromeda back.

* * *

I'm assuming Sirius _really _liked Andromeda. I'll just say he hadn't met up with her yet...


	37. XXXVII

**-The Dead Year-**

XXXVII

"Happy Birthday to you," James sang.

"Happy Birthday dear _Sirius,_" Lily joined in. "_Happy Birthday to you!_"

"Thanks," I grinned. "I'm adjusting to afterlife better than I'd thought."

"It's good, isn't it?" James said. "The fresh start?"

"With no death," Lily added.

"No more past rubbish."

"And everyone'll be together in the end," I murmured. "Because there's no end here."

"Yes, it's all good," James sighed. "We'll be united."

I thought of everything I'd left. Harry, the Weasleys, Hermione, Tonks, Remus... _Peter_.

Lily patted my arm gently. She gave me a quiet gaze.

"Happy Birthday, Sirius," Lily whispered. "Happy Birthday."

**Fin.**

* * *

After about a month, the story's finally at an end! Thank you everyone for being so kind and following through the whole story, dropping reviews and giving encouragement! It was great to hear from you all and because of your _awesomeness_, this is my first over 100 review story!

Thank you for _everything_, as I said before and please drop by a last review so I could thank you properly. I hope you hear from you guys again!

-luvnmarauders-


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